Epektasis

Epektasis is a term used by the Cappadocian Father St. Gregory of Nyssa to describe that phenomenon whereby, as Raimon Pannikar says, "Everything in us tends towards something more... something else." It is that part of us that is Spirit made flesh, created in the image of God, that seeks and yearns for union with the Creator.

The journey that I am on and its most recent chapter of leaving my home and attending seminary seems grounded in epektasis. I think epektasis is illustrated by Jesus' story about the kingdom of heaven being like a man who finds treasure hidden in a field or the pearl merchant who finds a pearl of great price (Mt 13: 44-46). I think there are two levels to this parable. The first is that God is the pearl merchants and we are the pearls. God loves us so much and in that love relentlessly pursues us and sells all that He has, ultimately coming as a human to live and die as one of us so that we may experience that Love. This is the first part of the story of each of us. Once God finds us and we have the experience of being beloved then the world changes. The power, esteem and wealth for which we once strived are less shiny. Nothing seems as real as that time when God found and held us. It is at this point that the parable flips. Now, it is we who are the pearl merchants. Having been found by the pearl we are called to sell everything we have to once again live in the light of that love. This is epektasis. The yearning to connect with what is most real, most alive, most peaceful; the Love that turns the universe that dwells at the centre of our beings.

The problem is that I constantly fall short. Even as I yearn so I get distracted and forget. Every day I set time aside to open and set my intention for God in silence, and even there I am constantly barely catching a glimpse and then losing it. In this work of opening and being all too aware of the times when I don't a particular prayer of the Trappist monk Thomas Merton resonates in me:

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"

This blog is a window into my own little journey to God. I do not expect it will be very interesting to anyone but perhaps one day I will look back on it and smile.

In peace,
ernest